10 Reasons to Have a Boy

We’re only 3 weeks into the process, but I’ve managed to come up with a list of the advantages of having a baby boy. Now, I’m sure some of the items listed below hold true for both boys and girls, but I’m absolutely sure the following list works for boys. So without further adieu, I present a list of the Top 10 Reasons to Have a Boy:

1. Free Heater. Got a case of the chills that a blanket or jacket just won’t take care of? Plop a baby on top of yourself and you’ll be sweating in no time. It’s comforting to know that if the power goes out in the Winter and there’s no more wood to burn, we could just snuggle a baby and get by for weeks.
2. Scapegoat. Someone to blame foul smells and weird sounds on. Pretty self explanatory.
3. Napping Buddy. I love naps and think it should be federal law that all employers provide a suitable environment and ample time to enjoy a nap’s numerous and wonderful benefits. But alas, that’s a whole different post. I will, however settle for the next best thing: a friend that also understands the importance of a nap, always at the ready. No matter time or place. He gets it.
4. Practical Joke Cohort-In-Training. I’ve already documented the struggle my wife will surely endure over the coming years, but it’s great motivation to know I can train my very own partner in crime. And he’s already taking to it like a fish to water. He’s basically already like a whoopie cushion with eyes, it’s just a matter of time before he goes off.
5. Inspiration. Not just in my day-to-day creativity, but overall lifestyle design as well. Eat, Sleep, Poop. That’s it. The kid knows what he’s doing. Also the practicality and quiet sophistication of a onesie. It’s really genius if you think about it.
6. Male Parts.  As I’ve been told many times, I’m very fortunate to have a son and not a daughter because “I only have to worry about one penis instead of all of them.” And that is a huge relief to a father.
7. Fashion Consultant. Not only can my son frighten unsuspecting family members that happen to be holding him at the unfortunate time of baby expulsion, but he can ruin an entire outfit at the same time, thereby expressing his opinion about your color coordination and texture preferences. Sorry again Grandma.
8. Financially Frugal. He was born fairly low maintenance. Just a onesie will do, or even better, just a diaper. No accessories. An “outfit” is not necessary, even when he has to dress up to go see the grandparents.
9. Showpiece. Put him in a room with his grandparents or great grandparents and an amazing phenomenon takes place. As if they’re all in an upscale museum, everyone just kinda shuts up and stares. They will do this for hours playing chicken with the boy’s warp speed biological clock. It’s almost like a game of really slow hot potato as he gets passed from one to another to see who happens to be the unfortunate soul left holding him when he decides it’s time to “make room for more food.”
10. Entertainment. Whether he’s smiling in his sleep or pretending to be in the circus, he’s usually pretty fun to watch.

Did I miss any? Let me know if you can think of any other reasons to have a boy.