You Might be a Father of Two if…
- Despite all efforts to coordinate and sync feeding, bathroom and play schedules, the minute you settle down for a glorious weekend afternoon nap after having just put down one child, the other one wakes up with the energy of a thousand hummingbirds.
- You often find yourself looking at the youngest child and thinking, “I don’t remember the first one doing this.”
- Hopping in the truck to go grab a quick bite takes 3 hours, only 30 minutes of which are actually spent eating.
- The younger one only mimics the older one when the older one is misbehaving.
- You are convinced that the end of times must begin with both children simultaneously having a meltdown which happens right before the center of the Earth opens up.
- All children’s clothes begin to look the same size which makes sorting laundry that much more fun.
- Somehow bathroom activity doesn’t double, as common sense would dictate. It multiplies exponentially.
- The shriek of one trips a switch in the other that requires the response of a louder, more shrill shriek.
- You begin to see the early signs of co-conspiracy, lookouts, and petty crime partnerships.
- You live in constant fear of the inevitable day when one child lodges his front tooth into the forehead of the other because “playtime” got out of hand.
- You live in constant fear of the accidental (or purposeful) “shot to the berries.” The odds of that have now doubled at every waking (or sleeping) moment.
- You relive the scene from Finding Nemo weekly when the birds shout “Mine” back and forth until a toy is broken or the end of time (whichever comes first).
- The “set a good example for your brother” talk becomes an almost daily occurrence.
- You finally realize how easy it was having just the one child around.
Are you sure you don’t want another one, so you go from man-to-man defense to playing a zone defense? I’m so glad you’re sharing your musings again!
I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I’d rather play man-to-man than be outnumbered in a zone. That’s a no win…