You Might be a New Dad if…Part 5
- After year one, you look back and think that the last 12 months have been the shortest, longest months of your life
- It’s very strange to see your child crawl after he’s established that he can walk.
- Somehow you occasionally blackout, throw a limp-bodied tantrum, and wake to remember none of it. That’s the only explanation as to how that kid could have learned how to do it himself.
- “Outside” and “Hungry” are the first two in a long list of words that must be spelled for the foreseeable future in order to avoid the above-mentioned jello-bones meltdown.
- You’ve wondered what the thought processes are behind someone willingly taking delicious pizza out of their own face-hole but employing no hesitation when confronted with a yes-or-no decision in regards to the fistful of dog food they’re clutching.
- You’ve ever thought “How is this mountain of toys that was so shiny and new just a few months ago now irrelevant and/or uninteresting? I’ve got 500 lbs of plastic and stuffing that I’m going to have to throw in the attic until I decide to give it away in 18 years as if I’m doing the poor, younger recipient a favor.”
- You’re coming dangerously close to memorizing “Goodnight Moon.”
- The most grown-up thing you’ve read lately has been on Twitter.
- You’ve never been more proud to see another person wear your teams colors, even if it really wasn’t his choice.
- You notice your first gray hairs…in your beard