You might be a New Dad if…Part 4

You’ve ever scared your child awake cheering/screaming at your alma mater’s football or basketball team.

You’ve naively thought to yourself “What’s the worst that could happen if I leave the room for just a minute?”

You find Cheerios in the strangest places. 

You’ve walked back into a room you just left and thought “Oh, wow. I didn’t think you could do that.”

A toy that was once great and enjoyable turns into a hated, pain-inducing monster that not only the child despises, but you as well for causing the last 20 minutes to be uncomfortable for your eardrums.

You can’t remember the last time you had dinner alone with your wife.

You and your wife are experienced in the fine art of “shift eating”

You feel an overwhelming urge to warn the mom that wants to introduce her little girl to your little boy that his kung-fu death grip will ruin her little girl’s night if she comes within “The Grab Zone.”